i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Houston, we have a blender
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
