I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize