I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
