what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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