Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
