Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
