Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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