Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
