As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We need to rekindle our bromance
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
