Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
