Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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