Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
