are you still at the devil's house?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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