I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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