is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
