I am puke
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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