as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
