Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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