so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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