what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
