I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
