my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
