So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
