the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
