I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
