he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize