I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
