He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
