I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
