I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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