you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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