why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize