Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize