my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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