Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
