Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
