I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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