They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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