So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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