the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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