That's intense
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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