One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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