you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
there's paper in my vomit.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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