one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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