when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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