May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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