can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
