I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
