You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
