I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
