am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
