I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
