I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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