did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize