you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize