in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
