i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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