Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
