Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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