I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
