I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
