I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
