My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
