Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She said her name was "party"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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