My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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