your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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