We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
