I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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