So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
